I’ve got a full bag, but only because I was given them. Does anyone actually use all their clubs? And if so, how much difference is there between an 8 iron and a 9 iron? I’ve also got 3 drivers. One big fat head and two smaller ones. No idea what I’m supposed to use the smaller ones for. Maybe you can enlighten me.

The more clubs you have, the more proficient you appear to your peers. If you just turned up with a 3 iron, a 7 iron, a pitcher and a putter, you’d look like a pauper who doesn’t know what he’s doing. Proper golfers love to spend time staring into their bag handling a couple of the heads, before pulling out the club that they’ve decided is the right one for the job. Then they whack the ball straight into the lake. Maybe they should have used a 5 iron rather than the 7?

And what’s with all the silly hats they put on the drivers? Do the woods get cold? Oh, it’s to stop them getting marked. What, and smacking a hard ball at 80 miles an hour doesn’t mark them? I think it does. But, it’s an extra thing that you can buy to impress your buddies with. And make sure the ‘hats’ are branded Taylormade or Calloway etc, not Walmart or Tesco! I’m not sure Nike cuts it either, but you can let me know.

Having a heavy bag full of iron is a good excuse to hire a caddy or a golf cart I s’pose. And that costs more money. I just prefer to carry the bag and use the experience as a bit of exercise. Well, swinging a thin stick at a little ball once every ten minutes isn’t exactly exercise is it?